"A certain darkness is required to see the stars." -quote from my yoga class today

On my ten year anniversary of living in New York I decided that it was finally time to leave.  My initial reason was simple (if absurd):  I was no longer impressed by the skyline.  I was particularly disappointed with the reconstruction of the World Trade Center and imagined that years from now, studies would show that once the Freedom Tower began to rise up our population growth rate would take a sharp turn downward.  I couldn't fathom the team of engineers and architects and designers that came up with what was coming into view and I was sure that other New Yorkers shared my sentiment.

As I watched the Freedom Tower rise over Fifth Avenue, each time I saw it from the Williamsburg Bridge or from the south on the New Jersey Turnpike, I felt disheartened.  Coming back from Christmas with the family, as the Freedom Tower glided into the window next to me on the Chinatown bus I realized just how un-majestic and unappealing it was for a modern skyscraper.  This is not an American monument and it's not much of a symbol of our city's comeback I thought.  The World Trade Towers were great.  And now they're gone, just like me, I wanted to say to the grey haired Chinese lady sitting next to me.  But she was talking to someone on her slim Samsung flip phone while tapping on the screen of her iPhone so I didn't want to interrupt.

Once I got used to the idea of leaving town other things around me started to look different.  I was not just dissatisfied with the Freedom Tower but I was starting to be dissatisfied with the entire city.  Of course this was a natural reaction; to protect myself from missing New York I decided that I really didn't like New York anymore.  Months went by before I realized that I was doing this.  In fact, I never would have realized I was doing this if a friend hadn't pointed it out to me earlier this week.  I've been here, but I haven't really been here, in this city that I have adored more than any other.

So my friend suggested that I let my last few weeks here be my love letter to New York.  One sentimental suggestion reminiscent of Jennifer Garner blockbuster was all it took and I was falling for the city that never sleeps harder than ever.  So expect the next post to be a little bit more up beat.